You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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