it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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