Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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