were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize