i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
