she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize