Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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