Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
