I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
