I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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