like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A+ Viking dick
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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