He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
