remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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