Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
