Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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