Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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