Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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