It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
