we made out on top of his cat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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