Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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