If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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