Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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