I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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