we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
