It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
