You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
