I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
