The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
