also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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