true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
