guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
