i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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