You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
