Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I skipped work to stalk him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
