You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
