he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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