spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
