NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
