i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
