This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
