the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
