the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
