omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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