i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
