i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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