her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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