I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
