my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
