Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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