Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
