How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
