I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
