I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
