Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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