At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
