theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize