are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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