My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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