She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
