can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize