you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
