Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
