I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
