The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize