he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
