the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
