And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
