So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am available for nakedness
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
