Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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