Can i not drive my cunt home
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
