So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
