Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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