Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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