i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize