Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
