And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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