I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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