....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
