I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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