I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is my gift to your gina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
