please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
