Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
