The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
