Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize