Your dad touched me again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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