You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
