She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So much rum. So many feels.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
