shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize