she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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