my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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