She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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