There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everclear isn't food dammit
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
