Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You need a sexual gate keeper
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
