Screwed.edu
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
did i just pee glitter
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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