a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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