Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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