what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
