White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
