you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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